22.10.07

Builder of the new universe (or Suicidal letter)

I like the way the red ink seems to stain this paper. I like to think of the way my blood shall stain the parking ground. With time, the red will get darker and darker, and at some point people will park their cars and won't see the stain; at most, they will think it is an oil stain - but if you think, ain't it the oil that keeps the engine working? ain't it the same thing we could say about blood?
My biology teacher used to claim all blood's functions and funcionalities. She was a catholic, and though she never mentioned any of her believes in class, we all noticed how warmer she seemed when she talked about theories of 'begin of life' and exemplified the catholic Creational theory. She never mentioned Heaven or Hell when she spoke of death or dead bodies.
I always liked to imagine the worms eating up a dead body underneath the earth, using every little bit of someone who was not anymore to build another totally parallel universe, one we step on everyday and are not even aware of. I like to think I'll be useful now. My useless live body will help build another world.
My mom used to say me and my brother were part of a generation that would change the world. I mean, with time we got to know that the world is always changing, though it always seemed to me we like to go the wrong way. And also with time, we seem to get used to the wrong way.
But I don't want to go the wrong way anymore. If life began with worms, maybe they probably shouldn't have thought of evolution. They'd probably be better. Better actually be a worm than feel like one. Better help the worms do the right thing this time - I guess some of them noticed the mistake just in time, made a revolutionary group and stayed as worms to try to fix the whole thing up. Probably the evolutionary goverment let them be for they wouldn't make a difference in the huge project of 'Evolution towards Human Society'. I guess they were right and the revolution never actually came out the soil.
I was never a revolutionay, it's hard to believe in revoluiton, even when your mom tells you it's gonna happen. The world makes you rather believe in evolution. That hasn't worked with me so far. So again I say I'm gonna try to help the guys that seem to be going the right way. My mom also kept saying we were meant to do the right thing.
Mom, that's what I think is the right thing to do. Don't get mad at me, please, don't weap over my coffin. I'm gonna build a better world. I'll be in your memories, think of me as the happy, blind kid I was before I could see the world. I'm sorry to let you down, I'm going down, but there's a good reason for that, that is my right, mom. When dad has his moments of sanity, tell him I'm gone away to be builder. He'll be happy to know his son doing a man job, is being strong. You gotta be strong for the three of us, mom.
I'm not gonna be a stain on the ground, I'll be a builder underneath the earth and help building a new universe.

Oct.21st.2007

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